nothing to say

It’s quiet in this room. 

nothing moves. 

the only sounds coming in is from the window. 

the birds, the cars, the kids outside playing. 

and it’s just me and a window.

I wish my mind was as quiet. 

All i hear are things i would say to you. 

repeating over and over again as if i’m preparing to spill my heart. 

I think the part that freaks me out the most is that if i do say all these things that i’ve been holding back for so long it would be what you would say or think back would be the most scary. 

what if you view me differently

of think of me differently. 

or the worst of the worse…have no interest in ever talking to me again. 

i would feel so empty 

and lost

i would feel like i’ve had a mistake 

a mistake that you can’ take back or say anything else to make up for it. 

you need to be happy said the heart

you need to know what you want said the mind

stay focused said the eyes

be determined said the hands

love said me

tired of by Stuck in a rut

I'm tired of waiting
Tired of feeling forgotten

I've come to the conclusion that nothing good is ever going to happen to me unless I make it happen.
I feel like I've always gotten overlooked.
"oh forget Katie she's whatever"

Is it possible to change the thoughts of others of how they think of you?

I feel like things are happening right before my eyes and I don't understand why I don't see them.
I have goals but I feel life always gets in the way.

but shouldn't that be what life is?
to achieve something that you work so hard to do?
Aspire in something far greater than yourself

be passionate over passion
of which i'm still trying to find.
what am i passionate about?

I'm tired of playing it safe.
"Katie take a risk, you never know, what do you got to lose?" ....mind heart body
so then what's holding you back?
Money? Fear?

the only thing you will gain is happiness.
and that will be the only thing that should be worth it.

Too Much is just too much

A blank sheet of paper can be anything you want it to be. 

It can be your greatest novel 

it can be a love letter

it can be something devastating

anything

a piece of paper is like life. 

you can be anyone you want to be. 

"Be What You Are" in the words of Alan Watts. 

the older i'm getting the more i'm coming to realize is that I don't know a lot about a whole lot. 

I want to know more about my religion and my faith. 

I want to meet people with different views points. 

I want to gain more knowledge about everything a human being should know. 

I want to be better at talking

holding a conversation and knowing what to say. 

what are my hobbies

what are my interests (besides music and makeup)

I want to read more. 

Growing up I truly use to hate reading. 

When the teacher would ask "what does that paragraph mean" i always felt all the other kids understood what they were reading and I didn't. 

I feel so stupid now. 

So many people in the world who are successful and smart and I want to be one of them. 

I wished I paid more attention in school. 

I guess you could say i feel worthless..

such a harsh word to call yourself that i know. 

maybe I'm just lost

trying to find out who I really am

I never really knew

The Missing By Holding On

I'm not going to sit here and tell you how much I miss you. 
Tell you how I much I miss being with you. 

Missing the sense of hope that I'll be the one that you desire. 
that you want. 
the one. 
the one you love. 
the one you can't live without. 

I feel like i'm cheating on myself sometimes. 
cheating on the fact that love still exists whenever I think of you. 

I'm not afraid to let go. 
Letting go is not what this is about. 

Losing you is just another story I guess. 
I don't want to lose you. 
that's just it. 
I'd be worse off if I did. 
That's the last thing I want to happen. 

I want to be your everything. 
I want to be the girlfriend that you love and desire. 
but wanting something 
and hoping for something 
are two very different things. 

if you could only wake up. 
and see. 


and yet I'm not sure how long I can stay silent 

Why opinion why?

Is it just me or why does it seem like everyone has an opinion about everything? I do fully understand our freedom of speech and yada yada yada we express ourselves and all that BUT

can't you be just neutral about something? 

I guess it depends on the matter of subject. 

But no matter the subject

why does it always have to be a yes or a no. 

or I do like this or I don't like that. 

why is there never just in the middle? 

And people get so defensive! 

I really just don't understand. 

The person you are trying to 'convince' anyway doesn't give a flying f*ck anyway so why on earth are you even wasting your breath? 

I really really just don't understand. 

Sometimes I feel like people have opinions just to make it like they care

But what if I don't care

then i guess they wouldn't want me to be included in the conversation

at a party or whatever

AND THEN they think your not interesting

But honestly sometimes I really just don't care. 

Why can't it just be it's whatever. 

whatever i think would qualify? 

Don't get me wrong there are a lot things I care about. 

I care about the environment. 

I care about our country and whats going on in the world. 

I care about ..... yeah see my point exactly? 

does that make me boring? 

whatever. 

I don't care. 

Dreaming A Little Dream Of You

She was dreaming of her love.

The Love of her life.

At least she thinks so?

But she knows it.

It was just a dream.

A dream where they were sitting face to face.

Just staring at each other.

Not talking about anything just gazing into his eyes.

This dream was different though.

He knew how she felt about him.

All the things she wanted to say and tell him and he knew and she was happy.

And that was that. Everything was perfect because she could finally be with him.

And hold nothing back.

The Silence

It's something that we cannot control. 

It's something that you don't even realize your doing. 

You've probably lost count how many times you've it. 

And yet

You like doing it. 

It's your escape.